50 Shades of Grey Movie Review

50 Shades of What The Hell did I Just Watch?

(alternate titles include: 100 Shades of Terrible, 50 Shades of 120 minutes I'll never get back, etc.)

Okay, as I do in most of my negative reviews, I'm gonna start with the positives. Trust me, this shouldn't take long. Dakota Johnson, one of the bravest (stupidest?) actresses in contemporary Hollywood, is actually not terrible. The character she was given was complete and utter garbage, but somehow she took that trash and turned out a pretty decent performance. You felt her character in every awkward mannerism, and it doesn't really feel forced. Another positive is the cinematography. Somehow, the people behind this film knew how to operate a camera- who knew? Okay, now to the fun part. 

The novel 50 Shades of Grey, apparently written by a fifth-grader who hit puberty before everyone else, began as Twilight fan-fiction; and it definitely shows. The dialogue is terrible, the direction is flat, and the characters are terribly constructed. The film is devoid of any plot or anything that really keeps the audience invested in anything that is happening on the screen. The two leads lack any sort of chemistry or charisma and even the love scenes are relatively bland. The film is terrible, without a doubt. But what makes me despise it to such an extent that I even rate it lower than the Twilight saga, was the ending. There is no conclusion. I get it, it's a series of books. You have the whole series mapped out in your head, and this film is designed to lead to a sequel. I absolutely hate this style of film-making. It can be excused in films like The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug and Mockingjay part 1, but only because those films were of higher quality. There is no excuse for this mess. Movies should be full stories. You can absolutely make sequels to expand the set universe, but in the end a movie should be able to hold up and be seen as a complete piece. This film can't do that. The film currently stands at $150,000,000 domestic, and a $502,000,000 international gross. Which means next year the sequel will hit theaters and will steal lots of money from more curious teens, lonely single mothers, and 40 year old perverts wearing trench coats sitting in the back of the theater. Hopefully the next time Mr. Grey slaps Anastasia and the movie-going public in the face, we'll know better. However, the fact that we have 5 Twilight films shoots down whatever optimism is left. Final Grade- F+

Babadook Movie Review

Calling All Horror Fans

What are some of the best horror films in cinematic history? Kubrick's The Shining? John Carpenter's The Thing? Any one of those terrifying Nicholas Spark adaptations? #chills. Now, when one thinks of the best horror films, they often have to think back to a time where horror wasn't found-footage, and the films actually had character. Here is a harder question: What are some of the best horror films in the last 10 years? Sure, one could conjure (wink wink) up some titles: Cabin in the Woods, [REC], Let the Right One In, etc; but still, when you think of quality, nothing seems to match up to classics like William Friedkin's Exorcist. Well, I'm happy to say The Babadook is that horror film horror fans have been waiting for all these years. From up-and-coming director Jennifer Kent, The Babadook follows a a woman, brilliantly played by Essie Davis, who is plagued by a bedtime story creature named The Babadook. "If it's in a word, or it's in a look, you can't get rid of the Babadook." The marketing for this film is very interesting because it's terribly misleading. If one watches the trailer, the film seems to be portrayed as some sort of run-of-the-mill creature-feature, when in reality it's an intense and terrifying psychological thriller. The fear and terror doesn't come from loud noises or jump scares, not even from the actually monster itself. The true terror of this film comes from what the Babadook really represents. The ugly truth about us all that we like to keep from the world. After I watched this movie I was completely blown away. Essie Davis did an absolutely phenomenal job playing the stressed single mother with a burden she can't escape. The direction and cinematography was amazingly reminiscent of The Shining and other great slow-burn thrillers from that era. It hearkened back to a cinematic time where directors and studios didn't care about budget to profit ratios; they cared about telling a compelling and engaging story. If you go into the Babadook expecting what you get from Paranormal Activity, this is not the film for you. It doesn't use the cheap techniques and gimmicks that contemporary horror films use. It's a film that will stick with you and get under your skin. It's a film that should be admired and should be seen as a return to form for horror films. Final Rating- A

Snowpiercer Movie Review

Something Special

Snowpiercer is not your average action movie; it is so much more than that. Director Joon-Ho Bong directs the film starring Chris Evans and John Hurt. Snowpiercer takes place in a dystopian future where an attempt to prevent global warming backfires and kills all life on earth, expect those who boarded the Snowpiercer; a train that travels non-stop across the globe. In the train, a class system evolves. The people in the front of the train being prosperous and living a life of luxury, the people in the back of the train being beaten, dehumanized, and without hope. The film centers around Curtis (Chris Evans), as he leads a revolution to get to the front of the train and regain hope for the rest of the citizens from the back. Despite this great and innovative premise, based of off the french graphic novel "Le Transperceneige", it's Bong's fresh direction and keen eye for detail that takes the film to the top of the 2014 movie list. There are so many things that are executed perfectly in this film, the only real downside being the fact that's it's a limited release. 

The action, the story, the characters, the tension, everything; utterly spectacular. The acting was also one of Snowpiercer's best elements. Chris Evans recently stated that he's considering giving up acting. Chris- Please don't. Evans' performance in this movie was one of the best and most gripping performances I've seen all year, and undoubtedly the best one of his career. Everyone else does a good job, particularly actor Kang-ho Song. While all actors do their job, and very well, it truly is Evans who steals the show and keeps the audience invested. His character has depth, twists, and an uncanny ability to relate to the audience; despite a third act twist. The action in the film is also spectacular. It's not over the top, it is extremely well crafted and realistic and is present to keep the story moving; quite literally. No over-blown special effects, not an over-abundance of shaky-cam, just gritty and exciting, fight-for-you-life action. You understand the high stakes throughout, and the characters are done so well that you are invested in their stories and want to see them achieve success. In the end, it pisses me off so much that films like Transformers 4 make $100 million in it's opening weekend and quality action cinema like this gets a limited release. It may be out of your way, but I suggest every sees this film, It truly is one of the best films of the year. Final Rating: A

X-Men: Days of Future Past Movie Review

The X-Men are back and better than ever.

X-Men: Days of Future past follows Wolverine as he travels back in time to save the mutant race and stop their near-extinction. Can Wolverine stop the upcoming apocalypse? Can the good guys trust Magneto? Can Fox trick us into forgetting about X-Men: The Last Stand? All these questions and more are answered in the best X-Men film of the franchise. 

2014 has to be one of the best years for summer movies of all time. We were given the Captain America sequel, Edge of Tomorrow, How to Train Your Dragon 2, and the upcoming sci-fi flick Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. And compared to most of the truly extraordinary films this summer, Days of Future Past reigns superior. Bryan Singer returns to direct his franchise and he comes back in tremendous fashion. Despite his last two films (Superman Returns, Jack the Giant Slayer) being less than satisfactory, he returns at the top of his game to the films he apparently was born to direct. Everyone in this film is great and utilized to perfection. It's definitely a crowded movie, combining the main cast of the original X-Men trilogy and the main cast from First Class, yet somehow through Singer's direction and Simon Kinberg's script, everything flows perfectly. Hugh Jackman is great again as Wolverine, Halle Berry returns and has maybe 3 lines of dialogue in the whole movie which, less face it, is a pretty great move. The guys who really stood at though were James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender playing young Xavier and Magneto, respectively. 

They both deliver powerhouse performances and, despite their limited screentime, steal the show. Well, most of the show. There is one character who, with even less time of screen, steals every screen he is in. And that of course is the character Quicksilver. Quicksilver is awesome. No real other way to put it. His powers are so wonderful and visually creative, and the performance by actor Evan Peters was fun and effervescent. While all the performances were great, the visuals were another tremendous part of the film. No big, loud, never-ending, Michael Bay, Man of Steel, action sequences in Days of Future Past. While there were plenty of big, beautiful action set pieces, they were all done to further the plot of the story and actually had great weight to them. The audience understood the high stakes and could stay invested. In the end, Days of Future Past takes back it's place as one of the best best franchisees in this superhero craze. And hopefully we will be seeing Wolverine snikting his claws at Hulk and Spider-Man on the big screen soon. Final Rating- B+

Godzilla Movie Review

The king of the monsters has returned at the top of his game.

2014's Godzilla is not directed by Roland Emmerich. That statement alone can swell up the heart of any Godzilla fan with utter joy. Gareth Edwards, director of the under-the-radar Sci-fi drama Monsters, takes a shot at reviving the radioactive monster; and revive him he did, in spectacular fashion. Before I "Fan-boy" all over this movie or something to that effect, let me begin with the things that were not so great. First thing coming to mind- the characters. With the exceptions of Godzilla and Bryan Cranston's character, who we don't see a lot on both accounts, no character in this movie is extremely interesting. Bryan Cranston, playing paranoid scientist and father to our lead Aaron Taylor Johnson, was great. He brought a powerful sense of desperation and emotion that let the audience invest in the story. Unfortunately, he doesn't stick around for long. 
Even more unfortunate, the film changes focus to young Ford Brody, Cranston's character's son and played by Kick-Ass himself Aaron Taylor Johnson. Ford Brody is an extremely bland and boring character, no real way to sugar-coat it. It's likely due to a screenplay more detailed about spectacle than characters, not necessarily due to poor acting by Johnson, but the character lacks any sort of...well, character. While that is a bad thing, it's still preferable to the over-acted and over-written characters in Godzilla '98. While the characters were this movie's biggest drawback, it more than makes up for it with amazing visuals and superb pacing. As contemporary audiences of cinema, we have become too accustomed to in-your-face, loud, blunt, and excessive violence brought on by the Michael Bay's, and the Roland Emmerich's, and the Man of Steel's. We are now used to that final amazing action scene taking place in act 1, 2, and 3. Gareth Edwards has made a film that alludes back to the glory days of cinema; movies like Jurassic Park, Jaws, Aliens. With a story structure that allows time to build suspense, to build tension. We have all already seen Pacific Rim (or according to it's disappointing box office, some of us have), we have all seen Transformers. We have all seen how amazing special effects can be, how far they have come. So how can you make your special effect extravaganza memorable? You tell it in a way that was lost somehow during this style over substance era of film. That's what Godzilla does. It doesn't have it's action scenes in the beginning. It teases and teases until the end, until the payoff, and boy does this movie payoff! The fighting scenes between the MUTO and Godzilla were awe-inspiring, both due to it's visual effects and it's realism. Edwards utilizes action to his advantage, using it as frosting on his big scaly, atomic-breathing cake. In the end, the film does have it's flaws, like any movie. The human characters are bland for the most part, there are a few dry spots here and there, and there are a few moments that were a little TOO convenient. But overall, Godzilla is a movie that is a long set up and pay-off. There is a moment near the end in which Godzilla utilizes his most iconic atomic breath, and I can guarantee you, if he were to have done that in the first act, it would not have had the same impact. If you walk in expected Man of Steel, you are in for a disappointment. If you walk in expecting something more than that, more than mindless action designed to distract people from a lack of an interesting story, then you are in for a treat. Final Rating- B+

Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier Movie Review

Now that's more like it.

We're done with Iron Man 3 and Thor 2: The Dark World, now Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe brings us Captain America: The Winter Solder. From Joe and Anthony Russo, the directors of You, Me, and Dupree- no, you didn't read that wrong- comes the follow-up to the 2011 superhero flick Captain America: The First Avenger. Taking place 2 years after the events from The Avengers, we find Steve Rogers working with S.H.I.E.L.D while simultaneously trying to adapt to the new world. But all isn't what it seems as Steve, with the help of Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and the new-edition to the team Sam Wilson AKA Falcon (Anthony Mackie), begins to unravel a conspiracy in SHIELD and tries to uncover the truth behind the deadly assassin known as the Winter Soldier. There have been many superhero movies in the past 9 years or so. We've seen comic book material be adapted to the screen in a multitude of different ways. We've seen it done dark and gritty like in The Dark Knight, we've seen it done light and witty like in Iron Man, and then we saw whatever the hell Green Lantern was doing. If there is anything we've learned from all of this, it's that Hollywood hasn't completely nailed down a sustainable formula for how to make a great comic book movie. Both ways certainly have their flaws; many people don't like the constant comedy in the Marvel movies, and many people don't like the feeling of sadness and depression one gets from watching a DC movie- very hard to pick. Sarcasm aside, I find myself leaning towards Marvel. While I'm all for trying something new and I do think that The Dark Knight is the best comic book movie to date, it's also the only film using that formula that I really cared for. Batman Begins was fine, but The Dark Knight Rises and Man of Steel never sat right with me. Rises was probably one of the messiest and worst written superhero films I've seen, and Man of Steel was DOA by using a tone that didn't mesh well with the source material- in my opinion. So naturally, I went into this movie fully aware that it could be great or it could be a disappointment; especially seeing as how comic book movies seem to be hit-or-miss of late. I'm thrilled to say, it was great. In fact, it very well may be one of the best superhero movies ever made, and that IS saying a lot. There's so much that this film did well, like the action. The action scenes in this film were extremely well-choreographed and even better, they were timed perfectly. They were spread apart well so that each fight scene was included to move the plot forward, not to just have cool stuff on screen. It's just like what George Lucas once said, "Special effects are just a tool, a means of telling a story. People have a tendency to confuse them as an end to themselves. A Special effect without a story is a pretty boring thing." I of all people understand the irony of George Lucas saying this, but regardless, it's still true. The Russo brothers as well as the screenwriters have a grasp on this concept; something Zack Snyder needs. While the action was excellent, what really made this movie shine was the plot. 

The Dark Knight was so ground-breaking because it took it's comic book source material and turned it into a crime thriller. Captain America 2 is just as ground-breaking, for it decided to deviate from the past Marvel movies and effectively make a 70's-ish political spy thriller. At the beginning of this review I made a point of saying that there is a clear difference in tone when it comes to DC and Marvel. DC is dark and realistic, and Marvel is more fantastical and light. This was probably the first film in the MCU that began to cross that line. It brilliantly took the realism and seriousness in plot from DC, while also maintaining the witty humor in dialogue and fun from Marvel. A perfect combination for a near-perfect film. In the end, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is undoubtedly one the best comic book movies today, if not one of the best action movies today. It has a great plot and great characters. The lead villain is terrifying and actually poses as a good threat to not just Cap but everyone. There's great action while also delivering a thought-provoking and surprisingly heartfelt story. It may not reach the levels of epicness proudly owned by The Dark Knight and The Avengers, but it comes pretty darn close; and it gives me hope that we are on track to reach that level once again. Final Rating: A-

Robocop (2014)

Well, look on the bright side. It could have been a lot worse...

I would like to start this review by saying I love Robocop. By that, of course, I'm referring to Paul Verhoeven's 1987 classic starring Peter Weller. It was a lot of fun, and there were enough blood-squibs to keep me satisfied. It was campy, bloody, goofy, and, like I said, a whole lot of fun. These great things cannot be said about the remake, unfortunately. After hollow action remakes like Total Recall, Planet of the Apes, and The Italian Job, expectations were low for this flick. In fact, I'm pretty sure most wrote it off from the get-go. People expected it to be terrible, which, as it turns out, wasn't the result. Robocop, directed by Jose Padilha, is the near definition of an "okay" movie. I understand why they can't make this funny and satirical. Back in the late 80's, DVD players weren't even invented yet. The whole concept of drones was futuristic, so having it be a satire works. It's 2014, the concept of putting a man inside a machine doesn't seem so ludicrous now, in fact, it is a possibility if not a probability. You can't make the story a satire anymore, you have to play it more straight; which is the direction the filmmakers took, and maybe a little too far. You don't have to make it extremely funny or goofy, but that doesn't mean it has to be humorless. The fact is, as a huge Robocop fan, I find the premise to be funny. Here this guy is walking around like a Robot, squeaking every time he turns his robotic head- it puts a smile on my face. Here the writers and director are trying to shove pathos in my face, with this new family storyline that I'm suppose to just start caring about for some reason. You can't have an emotional scene between a young boy and his robotic father and have your audience take it seriously. 

That being said, if one tries to ignore the conflicting feelings throughout the film, some enjoyment can be found. The action scenes are generally well-choreographed. Specifically the training scenes, which a lot of people didn't like for some reason. It was a cool new take on the concept of a robotic police officer to show the training, and I didn't mind the somewhat cheesy rock music playing throughout. It felt like a nice little callback to 80's action flicks. A flattering callback, unlike the shoe-horned in score from the original. Which leads me to another complaint- all the callbacks. I really hoped to walk into this movie and leave not constantly comparing it to the original, which is sort of the case. I only compared it a few times, particularly the few times it reminded me that I am watching a remake. "I'll buy that for a dollar" and scenes like that didn't sit right with me. I wanted the similarities between the remake and the original to begin and end with 'policeman is a robot'. I don't like talking in theaters, I don't even like laughing or whispering during a movie but that "dollar" scene made me yell "come on!" to the screen. I didn't want to, but Hollywood made me. In the end, the thing I recommend most is to never compare this to the original. Seriously, just don't- it will crumble in comparison. It's not the goofy Robocop we've all come to love, but it's not terrible like Robocop 3. The film is played very straight, which does diminish some enjoyment. But the action is great, it tried to do something new with the premise which is admirable. If you go into this movie thinking it will suck, then you are in for a pleasant surprise. If you go in thinking it'll reign superior to the great work of Verhoveen, then you will leave disappointed. Final Rating: B-